For Lily’s second round of egg harvesting, to increase the number of eggs produced her doctor upped some of her medications and put her on prenatal vitamins. This seemed to work – at one of her check-ins to monitor her progress she was told one of her ovaries was “having a party.”
An Emotional Rollercoaster
While her reproductive organs were responding positively to the regimen adjustment, soon Lily began to feel some mental side effects. The days seemed to be dragging on and on.
“It was a very emotional rollercoaster. I wasn’t happy. I was snappy, mean, I was frustrated,” she said. “I cried a lot. It felt like something was altering my brain and I didn’t know how to stop it. It was to the point where I was like, I don’t even want to do this anymore. I was miserable.”
She experienced physical side effects as well – she felt very bloated and had stomach cramps that landed her in bed for
a few days.
“You know how SCI is, you just know your body,” she said. “My stomach was spasming and clenching when I would sit in my chair. I was like, guess I gotta be in bed again.”
Lily thinks the side effects from the second cycle of injections gave her a small taste of what it might be like if she were ever to carry a child.
“I don’t know how I would function,” she said. “I know I would have doctors who would be working with me, but I don’t know.”
She ended up with 14 good eggs after the second egg harvesting was completed, bringing her total to 21 – a number both she and her doctor were very happy about. After the cycle was done it took about a month and a half before she felt normal again.
“It could be different for everybody,” she said.
Overall, she feels good about her choices. “I’m grateful that I was able to do this, because it was very expensive.”
“I’m thankful,” Lily said. “My doctor says that’s a great number, and out of those eggs I could get, ballpark, two to four embryos.”
“Thank God We Have the Opportunity”
Worldwide, 8 to 12% of couples experience fertility issues.1 While infertility may be the result of either males or females being infertile, women are often the ones who are blamed. In addition to social stigma, women often experience self-stigma. This can greatly affect their quality of life and self-esteem.
As Lily worked her way through the egg harvesting process, she began to talk with women who were doing IVF and saw that many of them were being affected by the stigma surrounding it.
“Women are ashamed that they have to go the IVF route, that they’re ‘broken,’ that they can’t get pregnant ‘normally’,” Lily said.
“There’s nothing wrong with you if you have to do it like this – it’s just a little help,” she said. “There are things your body can and cannot do. It is what it is. And thank god we have the opportunity to do this stuff.”
When Lily feels the time is right for her to have children, she will decide between carrying the baby herself or going through a surrogate. Due to a degree of scarring in her reproductive area that resulted from the internal bleeding she experienced when she was younger, she’s not sure if it would be possible for her to carry. She says her entire family agrees that it would be best for her to have a baby via surrogate. (“That’s a whole other story.”)
If she does decide to go through a surrogate, there is the cost to consider. In the U.S., the cost of surrogacy can range upwards of $100,000.2 (This includes egg donation and retrieval, two costs Lily has already experienced.) Lily has thought about surrogacy outside the U.S. – during a visit to Israel this summer she and a friend are planning to visit a sperm bank. If she were ever to consider doing surrogacy in Israel she would need to become a citizen, something she isn’t sure she wants to do.
Lily would prefer to find a partner to have a child with but doesn’t feel it would be necessary for her.
“That would be ideal! But you don’t need a guy, right?”
If she doesn’t have a partner, she knows that she has the option of using a sperm bank instead, where she can conduct research to find the kind of donor she is looking for.
“You Got This”
When asked if she had any advice for other women with SCIs who may be thinking about going the IVF route or having their eggs harvested, Lily encouraged women not to wait.
“Go out and do it, don’t wait until the last minute,” she said. “Even [if you think] ‘I don’t want any kids’...then you’re like 37 years old and before you know it, you’re like, ‘Shit, I coulda done with a kid or two.’ And now I’m able to.”
She advised women to find a doctor they’re comfortable with, to do their research, and find support groups. Lily also feels it’s important for women to know that although the process can be expensive, there is financial help available. (Please see the end of this article for a list of resources.)
“You got this,” she said. “You’re going to have some good days and bad days so don’t let it get you down. Be strong, and don’t let it get to you. Everyone has their own timing – it’s not the easiest thing to put your body through, so do it when you can. But I couldn’t recommend this more.”
***
Financial support for IVF:
Resolve: The National Fertility Association – a collection of scholarships and grants
CNY Fertility – offers a small discount for active military and veterans
INCIID – the International Council on Infertility Information Dissemination, Inc offers an IVF scholarship in the form of donated medical care
Fertility Lifelines –EMD Soreno, a company that produces some of the medications commonly used in IVF treatments, offers a medication savings program
ReUnite Assist – similar to EMD Soreno, ReUnite Assist offers medication discounts
Join us for an empowering Chat with Reproductive Rights Advocate, Samiyah Williams & Special Guests on December 11th at 3:00 PM EST! Find all the details on our homepage or events page.
Can't make it? No worries! We'll be recording the session and uploading it to our YouTube channel—stay tuned!
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